The Cullen Force 2: A preview
by DemonChick344
Summary: A one chapter preview of The Cullen Force 2. If you really want me to write this story, vote in the poll on my profile page. Sequel to The Cullen Force. Humour fic! R&R!


**Hey guys! This is a preview for The Cullen Force 2! I'm also doing a preview for Bella, Mutant: The Early Years, which should be up within the next two days. I have a poll on my profile page for which story I should write next, and the two aforementioned projects are in that poll. Whichever of them gets the most voters will be written next. So cheerio!**

**PS: This chapter is basically the epilogue of the story, so it's not gonna be as funny as the next one will be. So yes, the story WILL get weirder and funnier, and yes, the Cullen Force will be reformed! Now enjoy!**

**The Cullen Force 2**

_Chapter 1: Three months later_

Three months later, after their vacation in England, things in the Cullen household were still very strange. Since The Cullen Force had been disbanded, no one had anything to do – except for Alice, who ran around eating butterflies all day.

Carlisle had forced Edward to get a job; Renesmee was still running amok and now for some reason, idolizing the teen pop star Justin Bieber, even though he sounded like one of the chipmunks from Alvin and The Chipmunks when singing. Edward was still being a gay parent and Aro was still stalking Carlisle from Volterra (Everyone was freaked out by this). So it was safe to say not much had changed.

Rosalie smiled and walked downstairs, her high heels clicking against the polished wood. Carlisle had called a family meeting, which meant he was about to do a rant on how Edward was a horrible father and Bella was a self-absorbed bitch. Life was sweet.

"Hey, Rose." Jasper said, walking out from the lounge room and joining her in the hallway, "Know what this meeting is about?"

"Dunno. Could be about Edward." Rose shrugged, "What were you up to before?"

"Oh, I was pawning noobs on Modern Warfare 2's multiplayer mode." Jasper said as they stepped into the kitchen.

"Pardon?" Rosalie asked politely, waving to Esme who was sitting at the head of the table, and was the only other Cullen present.

"I was killing inexperienced players on Modern Warfare 2." Jasper smiled, "Having Vampire reactions is helpful on video games." He sat down at the table, Rose sitting opposite him.

"Hello dears." Esme said, "Where's Emmett?"

Before anyone could reply, Emmett walked into the kitchen, his black curls plastered to his forehead.

"It's pissing down outside." He grinned, hanging his Armani raincoat near the door and then sitting next to Rose. "Hey beautiful, hey Mum, hey bro."

"Have you seen anyone else?" Rose asked, "I kinda have things to do." _Like meet my best friend._

"Here's Alice and... Jacob..." Esme muttered as Alice skipped into the kitchen, Jacob slouching in after her. They were then followed by Edward and Bella, who were arguing over some trivial matter, and eventually by Carlisle, who sat next to Esme.

"I asked you all here for a reason," He said, and pulled a pair of lacy black panties out of his medical bag, "These were found in our Bedroom," He gestured to Esme, "And they do not belong to my wife – or me. Whose are they?"

Rosalie studied the panties. They had a white label on them that read _Bella_. Meanwhile, everyone had apparently disregarded the label and they were staring at Rose and Emmett, looking disgusted.

"Why is everyone looking at me?" She demanded, "They say _Bella _on them." She shot a glare at Bella, who sighed and raised a hand.

"Umm, they're mine." Bella said, and received a pair of panties in the face. Carlisle wiped his hands on his coat and sat down.

"How did they get there?" Esme asked softly, a glare crossing her perfect features. All other Cullens present shivered in anticipation. Esme rarely got angry, but when she did, it was something to avoid.

"Well," Bella began, smiling self indulgently, ignoring Esme's glare "Edward and I had sex in there-"

"WHAT?" Carlisle roared, standing back up, and Edward shrunk backwards while rage filled Esme's eyes.

"This family is sick." Jacob muttered while Carlisle began to rant.

"Honestly! You and Bella are worse than Emmett and Rose!" He screamed. "Day in, day out – "

"Hi five." Emmett whispered to Rose, and they hi fived, grinning.

"-All you ever do is have SEX!"

"That is sooo not fair!" Bella yelled back, "We do other things!"

"Do we?" Edward asked, but shut up when his father and his wife both shot him glares.

"Get out." Esme said quietly. Without another word, Edward and Bella left.

"Second thing," Carlisle said, "Has anyone seen Renesmee?"

Every head in the room swivelled to stare at Jacob.

"Yes." He said glumly, "She's hanging out with Seth." He buried his face in his hands and began to sob.

"That's...good." Rosalie said, "Seth is a responsible, mature werewolf. He won't bring her to any harm."

And that was when Renesmee and Seth strode into the room, arm in arm and identical beams across their faces.

"Everyone, we have some news." Nessie began, "Seth and I – ARE GETTING ENGAGED!" They began to jump up and down, squealing, while everyone else sat there stunned.

"Nessie, you little bigamist." Emmett said to his niece, "You're already married to Jake! You're his imprint, for vampire's sake!"

"Imprints are _sooo_ last year." Nessie said, "And it doesn't matter anyway. I have the divorce papers here, ready to go." She dumped them in front of Jake, "You just have to sign here, here and here. Ciou!" She left the room with Seth clinging to her arm.

"This is...new to me." Jasper said haltingly.

"It's new to all of us." Carlisle replied, "Jake, are you okay?"

"Yeah man, this must suck, seeing as girls think you're hot and stuff." Emmett said. "I thought you were supposed to be irresistible." Emmett looked at his wife for support, who shrugged.

"I wouldn't know – ask Alice." She said, and stood up, "And my bestie's outside, so I've gotta go." She kissed Emmett, and left the kitchen, heading outside to a distant figure who was standing near the edge of the forest.

"Alice, do you think Jake's hot?" Emmett asked while Jasper face palmed.

"Nope." Alice said, and smiled.

**Outside the Cullen Household**

Rosalie strode towards the forest, grinning happily.

"Emmett told me you were having a family meeting." A voice said, and a shadowy figure detached itself from a nearby tree and walked towards Rose.

"Oh, that. It wasn't that interesting, Leah." Rose grinned at her friend, who grinned back. Without another word, they started to walk through the trees to the river. "Carlisle found a pair of undies in his room – apparently Bella and Edward had sex in there – and he didn't know who they belonged to."

"Gross."

"Yeah, everyone was looking at me like they were mine. As if I would own a pair of undies that said _Bella _on them." Rose snorted.

Leah and Rose had become friends a week after the Cullen kids had come back from their London vacation. Rose had caught Leah vandalizing Bella's latest gift from Edward, the new model Lamborghini, and had joined in, finding she had many things in common with the current female Alpha.

One – they both hated Bella. Two – they both hated Edward. Three – they thought Jake was a douche. The list went on to include things like their love of gangster movies, motorbikes and trendy leather jackets.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Forks is getting boring." Leah said out of the blue, "Some days I just feel like running up to Canada."

"What would you do there?" Rose asked.

"Er, wreak havoc on the local wildlife." Leah said, "I don't know. Wait – kill Justin Bieber." She winked at Rose, who grinned in return.

"I know what you mean." She muttered, "The most interesting thing that's happened this week is Edward getting a job in town."

"Really? As what?"

Rose snorted, "Senior fashion consultant at 'Jensen's Bushwear'."

"I'll tell the boys to avoid that place from now on." Leah muttered, sitting on a rock, staring at the river.

Rose sat next to her and they enjoyed the silence, until Rose said abruptly: "Let's be gangsters."

Leah raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Let's be gangsters. There's an old shack north of here we can use as a base. We won't get caught, and we can invite some people to join the gang, like Heidi from the Volturi and Kate from Denali." Rose said, "What do you think?"

"I think you are a genius." Leah said, "So let's see this shack, huh?"

And that is how the first Vampire/Werewolf gang was formed.

**Jensen's Bushwear**

Mike Newton sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, standing on the threshold of ascension. Ascension to manhood. Ascension to sexiness.

He opened the door of 'Jensen's bushwear' and strode in, puffing his chest out. He immediately headed for a rack of flannel shirts, and found a blue shirt that would fit him perfectly. He grinned.

"Oh, I wouldn't buy that." Edward Cullen said from behind Mike, "The colour doesn't suit you." He gazed at Mike with his pee coloured eyes. Mike shivered.

"Some dehydrated pee." He muttered darkly, "What the hell do you mean, Cullen?" He added roughly.

"Your eyes are baby blue. This shirt is cobalt blue. The colours clash." Edward smirked, "I would suggest something lighter."

"I think I can do my own shopping." Mike said, and walked over to the jeans section, taking several pairs in his size.

Edward shrugged and walked over to the cash register, and Mike sighed. _Finally, he's gone. _He thought to himself, and went over to a rack that had leather belts hanging off it.

"Try these on." Edward said, and gave Mike a hot pink bra.

"AHHH!" Mike screamed, and threw it at Edward, the hot pink bra landing on Edward's head. Edward blinked owlishly at Mike as one of the cups covered his eye.

"What?" He asked indignantly.

"THAT IS A BRA! AS IF I WOULD WEAR THAT!" Mike shrieked, and ran out the store, screaming for his mother.

**Forks Hospital**

"Carlisle? How are you?" Aro asked desperately.

"Aro. Stop calling." Carlisle muttered as he strode down the hospital corridor, "I mean it."

"Pfff," Aro said, "I know you don't. How about you come back to Volterra?"

"Let me see if I have some free time." Carlisle said sarcastically, and held the phone in front of his mouth, "WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER, BITCH!"

"I say," Aro muttered as Carlisle placed the phone back near his ear, "You have quite the temper."

"Was there something you needed?" Carlisle asked coldly through gritted teeth, entering his office and slamming his briefcase on his desk.

"Yes," Aro said cheesily, "You." The head of the Volturi giggled like a schoolgirl. "Soooo...what's happening in your life at the moment?"

"Goodbye, Aro!" Carlisle snarled, and ended the call, sitting at his desk and screaming in frustration.

...

Thousands of miles away, Aro sighed softly.

"I love you." He whispered to the phone, and placed it in his pocket

"Esme is a friend, yeah I know she's been a good friend of mine,  
But lately something's changed, it ain't hard to define;  
Esme's got herself a guy and I wanna make him mine!" Alec shrieked from one of the hallways. Aro stood up, and glared at Alec, who promptly disappeared.

"He's watching her with those eyes and he's loving her with that body-" Jane screeched from another hallway, and scampered away.

"Carlisle WILL be mine! Aro screamed, "That I swear!"

**Love it? Hate it? Drop a review, and don't forget to vote on my poll!**


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